This is question I have myself, as I am concerned for my four young children. I hope that it is mainly environmental and that by leaving my abusive husband, my children will be well-adjusted adults.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a relatively 'newer' diagnosis. The 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder' defines NPD as "an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy and behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood..."
Psychiatrists are still debating whether it is nature or nuture. "Although there are some studies in progress attempting to define the possibility that there are specific genes involved, this has not yet been proven. What we do know is that there seems to be a great deal of environmental influence on the development of individuals who display narcissistic behaviors, frequently occurring in the very first few years of development." (Fay 2004)
References:
American Psychiatric Association, 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition'. 2000. (pp 714-717). Washington, DC.
Fay, Mary Jo. (2004). "Who Are They and Why Do They Behave Like That?" In When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong - Loving Or Leaving the Narcissist in Your Life. (pp 26). Parker, Colorado: Out of the Boxx, Inc.
I recently read a book called "I closed my eyes" and it's about a woman who was in an abusive relationship with her husband for 11 years. She had 3 children with this man and managed to hide the abuse from everyone the entire time. In the book she touched a little bit on why she didn't leave him but it still really intrigues me. How come women who are in abusive relationships often take a long time before they finally have the courage to leave their partners?
The Victim's Advocate in West Jordan told me that the average time a married woman stays in an abusive relationship is ten years. Even though I have experienced it firsthand, it is now baffling to me that I stayed as long as I did. There are several reasons why I believe women stay.
1. She doesn't recognize it as abuse. It is painful to accept that your marriage is not 'normal.' And because most of the time he really is a great guy, it is easy to excuse his worst behaviors. "He only hits me twice a year, so it isn't abuse. He just lost his temper."
2. Abusers are experts at being "too good to be true" while dating. There are Red Flags but women often don't see them. He is charming, fun, generous, etc. Many women feel they have found their soul mate. It is difficult to let go of their perfect dream when he starts to change.
3. You've heard of the frog placed in a pot of water? If the water is immediately hot, the frog will jump out. But if the temperature is increased very slowly, the frog will not escape even if it kills him. Abuse works much the same way. It is very gradual and you become numb. Often emotional abuse precludes physical abuse. My case was not typical. He started hitting me the first year we were married. It wasn't often, but I was afraid of him. The first time I moved out, four years later, I told his parents. The physical abuse immediately stopped after that. However, the emotional abuse (which is actually worse) became unbearable. I felt I was literally dying.
4. Abusers are master manipulators. They can convince you that you are the sole problem in the marriage. "If only you were this..or that..we wouldn't have any problems." My husband liked to tell me that I was crazy, depressed, and that he understood me (and what I needed) better than I did. Because they rip away daily at your self-esteem and place themselves on a pedastal, you start to believe that you really are the problem. But as soon as you succeed in one area they up the ante. No matter what you do it will never be good enough, because that would mean you are equals. And ALL abuse is about control.
Is there a particular cause for NPD, is it nature or nurture?
ReplyDeletePeggy H
This is question I have myself, as I am concerned for my four young children. I hope that it is mainly environmental and that by leaving my abusive husband, my children will be well-adjusted adults.
DeleteNarcissistic Personality Disorder is a relatively 'newer' diagnosis. The 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder' defines NPD as "an all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy and behavior), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood..."
Psychiatrists are still debating whether it is nature or nuture. "Although there are some studies in progress attempting to define the possibility that there are specific genes involved, this has not yet been proven. What we do know is that there seems to be a great deal of environmental influence on the development of individuals who display narcissistic behaviors, frequently occurring in the very first few years of development." (Fay 2004)
References:
American Psychiatric Association, 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition'. 2000. (pp 714-717). Washington, DC.
Fay, Mary Jo. (2004). "Who Are They and Why Do They Behave Like That?" In When Your Perfect Partner Goes Perfectly Wrong - Loving Or Leaving the Narcissist in Your Life. (pp 26). Parker, Colorado: Out of the Boxx, Inc.
I recently read a book called "I closed my eyes" and it's about a woman who was in an abusive relationship with her husband for 11 years. She had 3 children with this man and managed to hide the abuse from everyone the entire time. In the book she touched a little bit on why she didn't leave him but it still really intrigues me. How come women who are in abusive relationships often take a long time before they finally have the courage to leave their partners?
ReplyDeleteThe Victim's Advocate in West Jordan told me that the average time a married woman stays in an abusive relationship is ten years. Even though I have experienced it firsthand, it is now baffling to me that I stayed as long as I did. There are several reasons why I believe women stay.
Delete1. She doesn't recognize it as abuse. It is painful to accept that your marriage is not 'normal.' And because most of the time he really is a great guy, it is easy to excuse his worst behaviors. "He only hits me twice a year, so it isn't abuse. He just lost his temper."
2. Abusers are experts at being "too good to be true" while dating. There are Red Flags but women often don't see them. He is charming, fun, generous, etc. Many women feel they have found their soul mate. It is difficult to let go of their perfect dream when he starts to change.
3. You've heard of the frog placed in a pot of water? If the water is immediately hot, the frog will jump out. But if the temperature is increased very slowly, the frog will not escape even if it kills him. Abuse works much the same way. It is very gradual and you become numb. Often emotional abuse precludes physical abuse. My case was not typical. He started hitting me the first year we were married. It wasn't often, but I was afraid of him. The first time I moved out, four years later, I told his parents. The physical abuse immediately stopped after that. However, the emotional abuse (which is actually worse) became unbearable. I felt I was literally dying.
4. Abusers are master manipulators. They can convince you that you are the sole problem in the marriage. "If only you were this..or that..we wouldn't have any problems." My husband liked to tell me that I was crazy, depressed, and that he understood me (and what I needed) better than I did. Because they rip away daily at your self-esteem and place themselves on a pedastal, you start to believe that you really are the problem. But as soon as you succeed in one area they up the ante. No matter what you do it will never be good enough, because that would mean you are equals. And ALL abuse is about control.